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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27432232">The next chapter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga'>gonattsaga</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Heroes (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming Out, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Matt, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Sassy Mohinder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:01:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27432232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mohinder thinks they've all settled in quite well in this kind of makeshift family they've created together. He thinks he knows what this new chapter in his life is about: friendship, family, mutual support, contentment, and he thinks he's perfectly happy with that, with their life, just like this. </p><p>But as it turns out, Mohinder might not be as in tune with his thoughts and feelings as you would think. Turns out, Matt might be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matt Parkman/Mohinder Suresh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The next chapter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mohinder is aware of Matt’s presence behind him, confirmed by the subtle <em>clunk</em> of the man’s gun holster being placed on the kitchen table.</p><p> </p><p>”Smells good”, the other man murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder smiles, sucking a smear of curry from the side of his thumb. <em>Needs more salt</em>.</p><p> </p><p>”You knew Peter? Peter Petrelli?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder turns his head to look at Matt over his shoulder then, but it’s little more than a glance.</p><p> </p><p>Later, when he’ll sit at the living room desk sorting through the notes for his next lecture, his mind will wander back to this moment and remind him that there was something a little <em>off</em> about Matt when he waited for Mohinder to answer the question. Nothing in his facial expression, per se. Mohinder will remember the man’s face as perfectly normal, with an expectant yet somehow blank look in his eyes, a politely curious arch of eyebrows. The face of a man making small talk with his flatmate, nothing more, nothing less. Polite curiosity, if that.</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder doesn’t feel the tell-tale niggle at his temple, that he’s now learned to recognise as a sign of his mind being read, so Matt really is just making conversation. So he nods, attention already returning to the task at hand. He reaches for the salt and turns back to the stove.</p><p> </p><p>”Were you close?” Matt asked, his voice almost completely devoid of tone.</p><p> </p><p>”Not particularly”, Mohinder answers honestly, giving the curry a gentle stir and inhaling the aromas, allowing them to fill him up for a moment; a whole array of sense memories flicker to life at the back of his mind, memories of sunny days, skinned knees and his mother’s hands. He smiles.</p><p> </p><p>”So you don’t think you’ll be going to the funeral?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder blinks the memories away and inhales again, this time ignoring the pull to the past.</p><p> </p><p>”I hadn’t really thought…” he says, then turns his head to glance over at Matt again. ”Maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>Matt nods. There’s no way of telling what he’s feeling, if anything. His face remains a polite mask, and he swiftly changes the subject, wondering if there’s time for him to have a shower before dinner and Mohinder smiles again, Peter Petrelli and the whole conversation fizzling out just as soon as it started.</p><p> </p><p>”I would say you have about fifteen minutes”, he nods.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t hear Matt walk out of the room, just becomes aware of the absence of his presence again and in the next moment, he hears the muted rush of water from the bathroom down the hall.</p><p> </p><p>Later, when he feels the niggle at the back of his mind telling him that something was probably different with Matt earlier, and he thinks back to that moment in the kitchen to try and pin-point exactly <em>what</em>, he doesn’t find it in the other man’s face, or even his eyes. He’d just looked like himself, just normal, just Matt.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was something about the way he was standing, Mohinder thinks. Maybe an added tension in his shoulders, or a forced stillness in his body, like an intense focus that didn’t match the politely curious, half-distracted small talk face<em> at all.</em></p><p> </p><p>He must have read about the up-coming funeral in the paper, Mohinder figures. And it would make sense for that to stir up various emotions in the other man, possibly conflicting ones. It does in Mohinder when he allows himself to think about it, which he rarely does. Not because it’s too painful, but because there have been other things on his mind. His work, Matt’s recovery, Molly.</p><p> </p><p><em>It is a bit strange that it’s not on my mind more,</em> he concedes. Considering it was such a monumental event, at the end of a very long and eventful day.</p><p> </p><p>But truth be told — Mohinder sends a silent <em>forgive me</em> to Peter’s memory on the off chance that there <em>is</em> an afterlife and Peter is aware of him thinking this — the explosion, Peter exploding, is not the first or even the second thing to spring to his mind about that night.</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter was a good man.</em> Mohinder hangs his head, frowning down at his notes. <em>He was a really good man.</em></p><p> </p><p>But between Bennet pointing a gun at Molly’s head, trying to stop two different people from bleeding out, Sylar literally appearing out of thin air, Niki knocking him out and the time traveller spearing him with a samuraj sword of all things, Peter finally losing control of his nuclear powers and exploding with his brother into the atmosphere, was just another thing to happen in an evening filled with overwhelming, potentially life changing things.</p><p> </p><p>In many ways, that evening had been a classic End. But in all the ways that mattered to Mohinder in the here and now, it was a Beginning.</p><p> </p><p>This was the evening when he got Molly out of the bowels of the Company and into hiding, when he finally learned the ugly truth about the Company, its history and true purpose, when he realised how naive he’d been and, with the help of Bennet, began to make amends for that naiveté by directing his focus and efforts on work that will actually do some good.</p><p> </p><p>But most importantly, this was the evening when he met Molly’s <em>other hero </em>Matt for the first time, and so it was also the beginning of their little makeshft family and this new chapter in his life.</p><p> </p><p>That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel sad about Peter’s death or sympathy for his family, that he considers the explosion to be insignificant in any way. But he knows it could have been so much worse. So more than anything, he feels gratitude.</p><p> </p><p><em>I really ought to go to the funeral</em>, he thinks and sits up a little straighter, searching with his gaze for the newspaper.</p><p> </p><p>”Hey…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder startles. Matt is watching him from the doorway, smiling a little sheepishly.</p><p> </p><p>”Sorry”, he mumbles. ”I was waiting for a good a time to jump in, I didn’t want to startle you…”</p><p> </p><p>”You… You were reading my mind?” Mohinder asks in surprise,<em> I didn’t even notice it</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Matt ducks his head, a subtle tint of pink erupting in his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>”Don’t be sorry”, Mohinder says immediately, then gives the other man a wry smile when his head shoots up in surprise. ”I was merely surprised. I can normally tell.”</p><p> </p><p>”You can?” Matt says, the surprise lingering in his face.</p><p> </p><p>”Yes”, Mohinder says simply. ”It’s subtle, but yes I can normally tell now.”</p><p> </p><p>”I don’t mean to, mostly I try not to”, the other man hurries to assure him and Mohinder inclines his head with a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>”I don’t really mind”, he shrugs. ”Like I said, I was just surprised I couldn’t tell this time and I didn’t—” <em>sense your presence either, </em>he finishes the thought inside his head, blushing a little when he realises what that would have sounded like out loud.</p><p> </p><p>”Didn’t what?” Matt prompts, clearly having refrained from listening in this time.</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder shakes his head, <em>doesn’t matter</em>.</p><p> </p><p>”I must have been deep in thought. That reminds me… I think I do want to go to Peter Petrelli’s funeral and pay my respects”, Mohinder says, mildly curious to see Matt duck his head again. ”Do you know what day it is?”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah it’s, ehm… The seventeenth. Saturday, a week from tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder nods his thanks and gets his calendar out of the desk drawer and flips the pages to the correct date. He feel the niggle of Matt’s intrusion in his mind, but doesn’t react to it.</p><p> </p><p>”You…” Matt hesitates. ”You want company?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder looks up again, considering the question.</p><p> </p><p>”I’ll be all right”, he says finally. ”I wouldn’t mind, of course. But I’m wondering if it’s the best idea to bring Molly—”</p><p> </p><p>Matt nods quickly, looking down again. Mohinder watches in bemusement as he scuffs the floorboards in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>”Matthew…?”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>”Is anything the matter?”</p><p> </p><p>Matt stills then. When he looks up, his face is a mask of polite curiosity.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh</em>, Mohinder thinks. His stomach doing a little flip at the connected dots,<em> this is it. This is what was different earlier.</em></p><p> </p><p>”No”, Matt says, voice carefully devoid of tone — <em>because he’s lying,</em> Mohinder realises with a jolt.</p><p> </p><p>Studying the other man a little closer, he can now see it plain as day. The tension in his shoulders, chest, hips, arms, legs. The same forced stillness as before. <em>Too</em> still, too casual to really be casual.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why? Why is he lying? What is he hiding? Have I made a mistake to trust this man after all, to let him into my life, Molly’s life?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>”<em>Stop</em>”, Matt chokes out and lurches half a step forward, but stopping abruptly again when he senses Mohinder tense up. ”No, please, I… Mohinder, it’s not like that. You <em>can</em> trust me. It’s not like that. I’m not…”</p><p> </p><p>He trails off and shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>”I’m not…”</p><p> </p><p>”<em>Lying?</em>” Mohinder says sharply.</p><p> </p><p>”Not about…” he stutters to a stop, sighs, combs shaky fingers through his hair, searches the ceiling for answers, and Mohinder collects it all like pieces of evidence to study more closely later. ”Not about anything like that, like anything important, like… life and death stuff, <em>Molly stuff…</em> I’m on your side”, he blushes again. ”I’ll always be on your side, yours and Molly’s, that’s not…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder feels himself relaxing slightly again. As soon as he does, Matt’s whole being seems to deflate in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>”Geez Mohinder…” he says heavily and lets out a massive breath.</p><p> </p><p>”What?” Mohinder frowns as the other man collapses on the nearest surface — which happens to be the armrest of Mohinder’s father’s favourite chair — he wonders if he should say something about it, or ask Matt to sit in the chair properly, but decides not to. Matt obviously hears it anyway, because still mumbles a <em>sorry sorry </em>and springs back to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>”What?” Mohinder repeats.</p><p> </p><p>Matt moves around the armchair and sinks into it with a tired chuckle and shakes his head, ”Nothing, just… You think a lot, and fast… And you <em>feel</em>—”</p><p> </p><p>”I feel?” Mohinder repeats incredulously, his professional curiousity perking up at this new piece of information about Matt’s powers.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah — or rather — your thoughts and feelings are deeply connected, or you think emotionally, I don’t know, I can’t explain it, but… You’re very expressive.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder blinks in surprise. Matt rolls his head from one side to the other and shoots him a wry look, as if to say the irony is not lost on him either.</p><p> </p><p>”I have an expressive mind?”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah… You could say that.”</p><p> </p><p>”Well…” Mohinder nods, <em>it makes sense. </em>His whole life he’s been encouraged to control his emotions, contain them, weigh his words.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah”, Matt says. ”I guess it does make sense.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder’s gaze darts back to the other man, studying his seemingly relaxed figure for a moment, then forcing his mind back to the point. Matt says he can trust him, that he can trust him with Molly, with —</p><p> </p><p>”You can”, Matt says earnestly. ”I swear, I would never do anything to hurt that girl, or…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder nods,<em> so what is it?</em></p><p> </p><p>Matt swallows thickly.</p><p> </p><p>”I asked you if anything was the matter”, Mohinder says out loud. ”And you said no. But that was a lie, which means that something <em>is</em> the matter. So what is it?”</p><p> </p><p>”It’s… It’s not a big deal.”</p><p> </p><p>”Then you should have no problem telling me.”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah… Yeah I shouldn’t…” Matt sighs and looks away. ”Peter Petrelli, he… I knew him as well, I met him well before that night, he was a suspect that the FBI was interrogating, we thought he might be Sylar, anyway, I met him, I read his mind or I tried to, and… He started doing it back…It was really weird, we were in some kind of mental feedback loop… Anyway, like I said earlier, I try really hard to not listen in on you, <em>or </em>Molly, I really don’t want you thinking that I do that on purpose—”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder nods in reassurance.</p><p> </p><p>”But sometimes it just sort of happens. When I’m not paying attention or my mind wanders, when I’m doing the dishes or watching TV or something, someone else’s thoughts will just sort of filter in… Anyway, the other day, I overheard you thinking about Peter.”</p><p> </p><p>”I was?” Mohinder says, surprised.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah, it was quite late at night, you were still working but clearly getting tired and you were having all these random mental images—”</p><p> </p><p>”You told me you can’t see thoughts as visions, that you only hear them as speech—”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah, I do, but sometimes it’s very disjointed, just random words, and I think that’s when the person isn’t having a conscious thought or inner voice, but just mental images…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder nods thoughtfully,<em> that makes sense.</em></p><p> </p><p>”Normally I don’t hear stuff like that at all, it’s just when I’m really tired myself.”</p><p> </p><p>”Okay…” Mohinder says. ”So you heard me think <em>Peter</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>”No…” Matt hesitates. ”But I heard Peter’s voice… inside your head… and then it was back to random words again.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder says nothing. He can’t remember the moment Matt is talking about, so he can’t even begin to guess what he will have remembered Peter saying that Matt might have overheard.</p><p> </p><p>But they’d only met a few times Peter and him. Half of the time they did spend together was spent fighting Sylar in this flat, Mohinder thinks, giving the room a cursory glance and repressing a shiver as he remembers Sylar pinning him to the ceiling. Peter had died then, too. He hadn’t known at the time that the younger man had absorbed Claire Bennet’s regenerative powers, so he dragged his dead body into his taxi and drove it across town. He can’t remember feeling anything but urgency. His whole body had been shaking. <em>Adrenaline</em>. But his mind had been a blank, like white noise.</p><p> </p><p>”At first it just surprised me, because I hadn’t known that you guys knew each other”, Matt’s voice filters back in and Mohinder blinks the unpleasant memory away and refocuses on the other man, noticing that he's avoiding eye contact again. ”So I was just a bit curious, you know? Then… I don’t know… It just kept turning around in my head, I kept wondering how well you knew each other, what kind of relationship you had, how come you hadn’t mentioned him to me or said anything about going to the funeral, and—”</p><p> </p><p>”What kind of relationship?” Mohinder repeats, frowning.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah…” Matt says flatly, still looking everywhere but at Mohinder’s face.</p><p> </p><p>”We…” Mohinder licks his lips, weighing his words like he’s been taught to do, studying his friend’s body language for any hint as to what this is really about. ”Didn’t have one, really… I knew him, this is true. Not well, and mostly on a professional basis.”</p><p> </p><p>Matt’s head shoots up and there’s a glimmer of something like hope in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>”He came here, looking for my father. He’d read my father’s book and wanted answers about his newfound abilities. Obviously, he found me instead. I’ll admit I was sceptical at first, but I indulged him… The more time we spent together, the more convinced I became that this was simply a crazy person and that my father’s work was pointless. It was around this time that I decided to go back to India… However, as you know, I came back and resumed the work my father had started eventually”, Mohinder inclines his head and Matt nods eagerly. ”Peter and my paths did cross again on a couple of occasions, but they were nothing more than chance meetings and I can’t say that we ever really got to know each other. My loss, I’m sure. He was a good man. Not to mention, his sacrifice saved all of our lives, including Molly’s and a million others…”</p><p> </p><p>Matt nods again, looking a little chastised for some bizarre reason, Mohinder notices.</p><p> </p><p>”So I do want to go this funeral and pay my respects”, Mohinder concludes.</p><p> </p><p>”You should”, Matt says quickly, still nodding.</p><p> </p><p>”All right?”</p><p> </p><p>”Yes”, Matt says hurriedly.</p><p> </p><p>”Did you get the answer you wanted?”</p><p> </p><p>”Of course you should go, you should definitely go. I’ll watch Molly. I’m sorry I’ve been weird about it.”</p><p> </p><p>”That’s quite all right, Matthew”, Mohinder gives him a small smile. ”It would be nice to know why, if only to satisfy my own curiosity, but you don’t have to tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>Matt swallows thickly again, his eyes darting over the coffee table in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>”I don’t want you to think I’m…” he says in a rush, then trails off just as suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>”I don’t think anything, yet”, Mohinder assures him calmly, and it’s mostly true.</p><p> </p><p>”I don’t — I’m not — it’s not — ” Matt stutters out in a rush, prompting more questions than answers in Mohinder’s mind. ”Because I didn’t know what the nature of your relationship was and because you’d never mentioned him, I guess I began to wonder if there was more… to… it… you know?”</p><p> </p><p>”I <em>don’t</em> know”, Mohinder says slowly.</p><p> </p><p>”I was wondering if maybe you’d been close, and you were in mourning or something, and that’s why you never said anything about knowing him, <em>really</em> close I mean, like…” he gestures vaguely in the air between them, then blushes again. Mohinder frowns, feeling more and more perplexed.</p><p> </p><p>”For god’s sake, Suresh, don’t make me spell it out”, Matt grumbles.</p><p> </p><p>”I assure you it is not out of spite, but you might have to—”</p><p> </p><p>”Petrelli was gay or bi or something, he was into other guys anyway, I overheard his reaction to another man, you know, a judgement on the man’s level of attractiveness, I assumed he was gay, but he could have been bi”, Matt says in a rush of words, again gesturing vaguely in the air. ”I’m not saying that you <em>are</em>, that’s not what I — it just occurred to me, you know, that I didn’t know either way, about you I mean, so — the possibility of <em>that,</em> it just popped into my head, I guess you could say, and once it was there, I couldn’t get rid of it, so I wanted to <em>know</em>, that’s all, I don’t —” he shakes his head vehemently to himself, still blushing. ”I don’t care, I wouldn’t — if you <em>are</em> — if the two of you <em>were</em> — I don’t mind <em>at all</em>, I don’t want you to think —”</p><p> </p><p>”Matthew”, Mohinder interrupts finally.</p><p> </p><p>Matt immediately stops rambling and sucks a deep, shaky breath. Mohinder watches him silently, his own thoughts whirring in every possible direction as he weighs his words.</p><p> </p><p>”I’m not”, Matt more or less squeaks under his breath, in a way that would suggest disagreement, except Mohinder hasn’t said anything. So if Matt is disagreeing, he’s disagreeing with something Mohinder has <em>thought</em> — and Mohinder’s thoughts are all over the place right now.</p><p> </p><p>”You are not…?” he trails off slowly.</p><p> </p><p>Matt leans forward and cradles his head miserably, groaning something about keeping his mouth shut and <em>Janice</em> and <em>this is why</em>. Mohinder frowns, feeling more and more unsettled at the display of desperation and nerves in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>”Matt—?”</p><p> </p><p>”Jealous”, Matt gasps quietly, then releases his head and sits back up with a deep breath like he’s been deep diving for minutes and only just now come up for air.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh</em>, Mohinder thinks dumbly. <em>Jealous</em> — <em>That’s what — Matt — jealous —</em></p><p> </p><p>”I’m not”, Matt says again.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh</em>, Mohinder thinks again, because Matt says<em> I’m not</em>, but Mohinder clearly hears <em>I am, </em>and his mind boggles at that realisation, because<em> that would mean </em>—</p><p> </p><p>”<em>No I really am not!</em>” Matt insists, shooting to his feet and pinning Mohinder with a desperate, earnest look. ”That’s not — I didn’t <em>mean</em> — please, Mo — I don’t want things to change, or get awkward, or tense between us, please, I like living with you — <em>and Molly!</em> — I like our life together, please don’t freak out about this—!”</p><p> </p><p>”Matt”, Mohinder says, trying to muster some kind of reassuring emotion in his voice but it comes out sounding dull, even to his own ears, which makes little sense to him considering his insides are a flurry of feelings and thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>”Please, Mohinder. Let’s just forget about this whole thing. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>”I…” Mohinder shakes his head slowly, trying to get his voice to catch up to the whirlwhind that is his mind,<em> jealousMattohmygodwhatdoesthismeanwhatdoIwantittomeanfuckfuckFUCK—</em></p><p> </p><p>”Look”, Matt croaks, killing the distance between them in a few swift steps and crouching down in front of Mohinder. ”I’m not gay. I’ve never been gay, not even in college.”</p><p> </p><p>”Oh…?” Mohinder mumbles, as his mind swiftly moves on from words altogether and treats him to an onslaught of images and emotions instead. </p><p> </p><p>”Here’s the deal, okay, I’m going to be brutally honest with you”, Matt says and Mohinder feels almost amused when he feels the niggle at his temple, knowing that the only thing the other man is going to be able to make out inside his mind is random noise and sensation at this point. ”That night, when Bennet and I came for Molly, I obviously didn’t know it would be Molly, I didn’t even know it would be a person, and I was too caught up with the situation and protecting her that I barely noticed you, no offense, and later, after I shot Sylar —” he swallows thickly, feeling the prickle of phantom bullet wounds in his ribcage. ”—after he stopped the bullets and sent them back, I know I collapsed and you came to my aid, but at the time, I barely noticed, I was in so much pain, I was aware of someone at my side, helping me stop the bleeding, I noticed your…” He gestures briefly. ”Smell…”</p><p> </p><p>”My <em>smell</em>?” Mohinder repeats, wondering if he should feel insulted or not.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah no you smelled nice”, Matt says dismissively, with a small headshake. ”But like I said, I was in pain, <em>so</em> much pain, dying—”</p><p> </p><p>”I remember”, Mohinder says drily, frowning uncomfortably at the reminder.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah”, Matt says flatly. ”My point is, I didn’t know who was at my side, I was vaguely aware that it was a man, but I don’t even know if I noticed your skin colour, anything, you know… So it wasn’t until later, in the hospital — you know when you brought Molly to see me?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder nods.</p><p> </p><p>”That’s when I put two and two together about it being you, I mean that you were you, you were the same guy from before, and who helped me, saved me…”</p><p> </p><p>”Why are you telling me this?”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah I’m rambling, sorry”, Matt mutters. ”That wasn’t really the point…”</p><p> </p><p>”What is the poin—?”</p><p> </p><p>”<em>The point is, </em>that’s the first thought I had when you walked through the door with Molly and… and the second one was…” Matt sighs. ”Gorgeous.”</p><p> </p><p>”Excuse me?” Mohinder says, genuinely thinking he must have misheard.</p><p> </p><p>Matt shakes his head briefly, looking a bit annoyed.</p><p> </p><p>”You have to understand”, he implores, meeting Mohinder’s eyes again. ”I don’t… I’ve never… I don’t normally think that. About other guys, men. I never thought that about another man before. I don’t think of men as having any kind of physical appearance other than objectively noticing, I don’t know, beard length… I don’t think of men as being gorgeous, or handsome, or ugly even for that matter. When I was younger I might have been aware of other guys’ appearance in comparison to my own, but even that stopped at some point in my 30s…”</p><p> </p><p>”Okay…” Mohinder says slowly, some tension trickling back into his muscles.</p><p> </p><p>”Until that day.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh, </em>Mohinder thinks again.</p><p> </p><p>”Only that once”, Matt adds quickly, avoiding his eyes again. ”Then I forgot about it. It’s not like I’ve been moping around the house like some lovesick teenager since then, secretly in love with you or anything, okay… I haven’t, I’m not, I…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Are you lying?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>”I… Alright, I didn’t <em>think</em> I was, or I wasn’t <em>aware</em> of it at least… until I caught that memory of Peter, and one thing lead to another, and before I knew it, I was obsessing about it day and night, asking myself <em>were they, is he, could he — </em>you know, that’s why… I just had to know… But I do like what we have”, he concludes in a small voice.</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder says nothing for a long time.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks back to that evening, remembers being bent over Matt’s body, desperately pressing his hands to the bullet holes, his mind screaming in panic because there was four of them and they were all gushing <em>so much blood;</em> he’d been thinking this was the other hero of Molly’s; what if he died here in Mohinder’s arms, what if he couldn’t save him, how was he going to tell Molly?</p><p> </p><p>He remembers watching helplessly as others fought, fear and panic gripping his heart and throat, but his hands remaining calm and determined, putting even pressure on the other man’s torso. He remembers the light in the sky as the Petrelli brothers shot off into the atmosphere, and the lights from the police cars and ambulances when they arrived. He remembers Claire offering to look after Molly so that he could ride with Matt to the hospital, and even though it didn’t make any sense to him later, he hadn’t even hesitated.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, he remembers reigning all of his emotions back in, containing them and putting the lid on like he’d been taught, only to have them burst back out again if only for a second as he walked into the man’s hospital room three days later with Molly clutching his hand.</p><p> </p><p>He remembers the man, Matt, turning his head to look at them both; his cheeks had colour again and his eyes lit up when he saw them. <em>Gorgeous</em>. Relief had flooded Mohinder. And he’d let out a small chuckle as Molly let go of his hand and ran at Matt with a happy squeal.</p><p> </p><p>”Careful, Molly!” he’d exclaimed as she threw himself at the other man, then chuckled some more when Matt eagerly hugged her back even though it obviously hurt him to.</p><p> </p><p>When Mohinder finally blinks the memories away again and takes a deep breath, Matt is watching him with guarded eyes.</p><p> </p><p>”Mohinder…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder blinks again.</p><p> </p><p>”Tell me honestly, have I messed everything up?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder swallows.</p><p> </p><p>”Do you want me to move out?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder licks his lips. He draws a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>”For fuck’s sake, just say <em>something</em>…”</p><p> </p><p>”No, I…” <em>don’t want you to move out, no you haven’t messed anything up, I didn’t even know what I felt until you shared your own feelings with me and now I wish you would have said something sooner because we’ve wasted all this time and how didn’t I see this before it’s so obvious. </em>”No. Definitely not. Please don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Matt blinks, and Mohinder wonders how much of his thoughts the other man just heard considering there’s an even mix of hope and panic in his eyes, ”R-Really?”</p><p> </p><p>”Yes”, Mohinder breathes out. ”I’m sorry, Matt. My mind might be expressive to you, but I’m so used to ignoring what I feel that I’m not always… I’m not always aware. But I feel compelled to tell you, that day in the hospital, the… unfamiliar reaction you experienced as Molly and I walked in… That might not have been your own reaction.”</p><p> </p><p>He feels his cheeks heat up slightly and looks down at his hands. ”You might have been reading my thoughts…”</p><p> </p><p>Matt’s hand covers his own and Mohinder looks up again, feeling a hopeful jolt in his stomach. Matt gives him a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>”It doesn’t matter”, he murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>”But if you were simply reading my thoughts, then—”</p><p> </p><p>”It doesn’t matter”, Matt says again firmly and when a sliver of doubt cuts into Mohinder’s mind in the shape of <em>but-interference-what if-influence-my god-what if-taking advantage-vulnerable state-and-also</em>, he simply gives Mohinder’s hand a gentle squeeze. ”It doesn’t matter if that first time was legitimately my own reaction or if I was simply channelling you without realising it, because, Mohinder, we’ve lived together for almost three months now and since day one, it’s been getting increasingly difficult to ignore just how fucking gorgeous you are and pretend like that doesn’t mean anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder simply stares back at him with wide eyes.</p><p> </p><p>”Mean?” he croaks.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah”, Matt intones.</p><p> </p><p>”It… does?”</p><p> </p><p>”It does for me, but it doesn’t have to for us”, Matt says quickly. ”For me, there’s no longer any shadow of a doubt that it’s not so much about me noticing how beautiful you are…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder’s mind goes <em>what-no-stop</em>, but Matt completely ignores it and ploughs on.</p><p> </p><p>”Because anyone can see that. That in itself doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But the fact that I’m struggling to pay attention to the words that come out of your mouth sometimes”, Mohinder jerks his head back up, his stomach flipping over at the idea, at the prospect of <em>why </em>the other man might get distracted, what he might be thinking of instead, what he might <em>want</em>. ”Or I lose myself in day dreams about us having breakfast in bed together and silly stuff like that — I mean other, more heated stuff as well, but — I barely remember what it was like living here and <em>not</em> think of us as a family anymore, and not love the idea of that, and it’s not just Molly, I love being with <em>you…</em> I love watching you cook and work, I love listening to you talk about science, even when I barely understand half of it, and I think that means… something.”</p><p> </p><p>”Something…” Mohinder echoes, hardly daring to acknowledge exactly what he thinks that could be or what he hopes it means.</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>”From day one?” Mohinder says, feeling almost winded.</p><p> </p><p>”Give or take”, Matt grumbles wryly.</p><p> </p><p>”You should have said something. I had no idea.”</p><p> </p><p>”You’re not… upset?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder shakes his head, slowly, thoughtfully.</p><p> </p><p>”You sure? ’cause you don’t look too sure…”</p><p> </p><p>”I am sure”, Mohinder says and gingerly turns his hand over inside the other man’s grasp, holding his hand at an awkward angle just so that he can interlace their fingers together. ”But I don’t know what that means… for us. Where we go from here.”</p><p> </p><p>”Oh, well. That’s up to you.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Why is it up to me,</em> Mohinder thinks, feeling suddenly small and lost inside his own vast mind as it fills with endless, overwhelming emotions, all swaddled in overanalyses, becoming more aware of his own heartbeat than he thinks he’s ever been in his life. Matt’s gentle grip on his hand anchors him and he clings to the comfort of that. He meets the other man’s eyes again. There is nothing but calm in them now, just gentle calm. He clings to the comfort of that too.</p><p> </p><p>”Because<em> I</em> know what I want”, Matt says and gives him a small apologetic smile. ”You need to figure out what it is <em>you</em> want, before we either of us can know where we go next.”</p><p> </p><p>Part of Mohinder wants to ask Matt what he does want, thinking it might resonate with him and then he’ll know that he wants the same. But another part of him is scared of the answer. Because <em>what if it isn’t what I think, suspect, hope it is? What if it’s </em>exactly<em> that?</em></p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Matt pulls a pained face and stands up with groan, ”Sorry, my knees are killing me.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder has a moment of feeling lost at sea without his anchor, but in the next moment Matt has reached out his hand towards him in a gesture that clearly says <em>come here</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Without allowing himself to think or feel too much about it, Mohinder takes the other man’s hand and stands up, inching into his personal space gingerly, logging all of his sensations as he does. </p><p> </p><p>Matt inhales deeply, gently placing his hands on the outside of Mohinder’s arms. The pressure is so gentle Mohinder barely feels it at all through the sleeves of his shirt, yet it sends tingles all through his body.</p><p> </p><p>The proximity between them, the unmistakable sensation of Matt’s body heat and the pure scent of him, is sending shock waves of energy through Mohinder, spurred on by his own heart beating a tattoo of anticipation in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>”Just ask me”, Matt murmurs quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder’s mouth has gone dry, his own breathing is loud in his ears.</p><p> </p><p>”I told you I know what I want, and you want to know what that is. So ask me, Mohinder.”</p><p> </p><p>”Please…” Mohinder whispers, willing himself not to cave in on himself, not to pull away, not to shut down or put a lid on all of these amazing sensations thrumming through his body.</p><p> </p><p>”It’s okay…” Matt murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not until the warmth of Matt’s breath on his lips register with him, that Mohinder becomes aware of how close their faces are. Much closer than they were a moment ago. Much closer than they’ve ever been before.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What if I can’t do this, what if I mess it up, what if I’m reading him all wrong, what if I shut down, what if I push him away, what he changes his mind, what if push him away, what if I push him away, what if he leaves me, us, what if he leaves —</em>
</p><p> </p><p>When their lips touch, it’s so soft it’s barely a kiss at all. But Mohinder’s mind whirrs to an immediate stop. His stomach is full of butterflies the likes of which he hasn’t experienced since he was teenager and his hands and feet tingle with excess energy, itching to <em>grab</em>—</p><p> </p><p>”Do it”, Matt breathes out against him.</p><p> </p><p>The butterflies plummet into groin and with a half-swallowed groan, Mohinder slams their lips together once more. He combs his fingers through the other man’s short hair and pull him closer, pushing into him eagerly. A part of Mohinder is aware that he’s being more physically forceful with this kiss than he’s ever been with anyone he’s ever kissed before, male or female, but since Matt is almost twice Mohinder’s size, he’s able to take the full force of this sudden eagerness that he’s is experiencing without so much as a stagger. All that happens is it creates a certain level of pleasant friction between them; the idea that he’ll never have to contain himself with Matt occurs to Mohinder then, and he doesn’t just mean physically.</p><p> </p><p>The implications of that, the idea of being able, allowed, encouraged to be fully himself, all of himself without ever having to contain any of it, sends a thrill through him and in a moment of unbridled excitement, Mohinder jumps up and locks his arms and legs around the other man. Matt does stagger back slightly, but it’s more a case of sagging to gently accept the weight without damaging his knees, than losing his footing.</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder feels a strong arm prop him up and the other snaking a hand up his spine to cradle the back of his neck in a grip that is oddly possessive. It makes Mohinder’s semi-erection twitch and begin to thicken in earnest. He wrenches his mouth away from Matt’s and shoves his face into the crook of the man’s neck, his chest heaving as he catches his breath.</p><p> </p><p>”Hey…” Matt murmurs gently into his hair, the grip on his neck easing a bit. ”Hey, it’s okay… you’re okay…”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder nods, still pressing his face into the other man’s neck and happily inhaling the scent of him.<em> I am</em>, he thinks. <em>More than. Never been this good.</em></p><p> </p><p>”Me neither”, Matt mumbles. ”We should slow down though… Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder swallows thickly. I knows what Matt is saying is the sensible thing to do, rationally. His straining hard on, however, begs to differ. He awkwardly unlocks his legs from the other man’s waist and hops back down, avoiding eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>”Hey, don’t be embarassed”, Matt says. ”I just think we should take a minute, or a day, or week, before go any further, so that you have time to process all of this and can decide if it’s really what you want… I mean, I kind of sprung this on you, didn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder is aware of Matt’s hands stroking him in various places, the man’s whole being exuding comfort. He smiles, nods.</p><p> </p><p>”Matthew…” he says thickly, glancing up at the man’s face again finally. ”I am not a scared child nor a blushing virgin, so you don’t need to treat me like either…”</p><p> </p><p>With lightening speed, he reaches out to snatch a hold of the other man’s hands when he goes to pull them away.</p><p> </p><p>”I didn’t say stop”, he adds with a smile. ”I don’t want you to stop touching me, far from it.”</p><p> </p><p>”Well, maybe I need to take things slow”, Matt admits with a blush and Mohinder inclines his head in acknowledgement, knowing deep down that he does as well. ”And… maybe<em> I</em> need you to be sure, before we go any further.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder frowns, ”I agree that we should slow down for now. Not because I’m not sure, but because I am. I need this to be—”</p><p> </p><p>Matt nods, ”Me too.”</p><p> </p><p>”We’re already—”</p><p> </p><p>”Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>”So it needs to be—”</p><p> </p><p>”I agree.”</p><p> </p><p>Mohinder huffs out a chuckle and leans in for another soft kiss, ”If this is going to work, we’re going to have to work on your communication skills.”</p><p> </p><p>”Oh, sorry…” Matt mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>”I don’t mind you reading my thoughts, but sometimes I need to finish my thought out loud for <em>me</em>…”</p><p> </p><p>Matt gives him a nervous smile and nods in understanding. Mohinder feels the butterflies return to his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>”Would it be…” he starts hesitantly. ”Too forward of me to ask…”</p><p> </p><p>Matt says nothing, simply raises his eyebrows expectantly.<em> Oh, now we’re waiting,</em> Mohinder thinks with a huff. <em>This is not a test you know.</em></p><p> </p><p>Matt still says nothing, but there’s a tiny smirk playing around his lips. Mohinder gives him a mock glare.</p><p> </p><p>”Within the bounds of our agreed upon pace”, he starts again. ”Would it be feasible to suggest… sleeping together… in the same bed?”</p><p> </p><p>Matt’s smile widens and his eyes twinkle with warmth, ”Yeah, I think so.”</p><p> </p><p>”Well all right then”, Mohinder says with nod of determination, brushing past the other man and striding across the room. ”My bed, if you don’t mind.”</p><p> </p><p>He can feel Matt grinning behind him, and rolls his eyes when the other man calls after him: ”<em>Yes, Sir, Professor Suresh!</em>”</p><p> </p>
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